notice to all financial institutions

Date: Tuesday, August 4, 2009, 11:40 AM
> 86-year old
> lady's letter to bank......
>
> Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank
by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing
enough to have it published in the New York Times.
>
> Dear Sir:
>
> I am writing to > thank you for bouncing my check with
which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month...
> By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between
> his presenting the check and the arrival in my account
> of the funds needed to honor it.

> I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of
my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in
place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that
> brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my
> account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience
> caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the
> manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink
> my errant financial ways.
>
> I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls
> and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by
the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which
your bank has become.
>
> From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a
flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will
therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at
> your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially
to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

> Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any
other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an
> Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to
complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order
that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about
me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of
his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary
Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial
situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at MY
convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number
which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret
that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I
have modeled it on the number of button presses required
of me to access my account balance on your phone bank
service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form
of flattery.
>
> Let me level the playing field even further.
> When you call me, press buttons as follows:

> IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON
FOR ENGLISH

> #1. To make an appointment to see me

> #2. To query a missing payment.

> #3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

> #4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping

> #5. To transfer the call to20my toilet in case I am attending
> to nature.

> #6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

> #7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access
> my computer is required. Password will be communicated
> to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier

> #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7

> #9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be
> put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While
this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting
music will play for the duration of the call...

> Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy
> an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new
arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less
prosperous New Year?
>
> Your Humble Client
>
> (Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman) 'YA
> JUST GOTTA LOVE' US SENIORS’!!!!!
>
> And remember: Don't make old ladies mad. They don't like
> being old in the first place, so it doesn't take
> much to set them off.